Be the Good

This week was hectic.  As the saying goes, "It's that time of year."  It is that time of year.  The time of year to reflect, to be thankful and to enjoy the season of our Lord.  On Tuesday while driving to an appointment, I turned on the radio to hear that a shooter opened fire in the middle of a mall that is not in our town but nonetheless, still close to home.  Two innocent  lives were taken.  That evening felt icky.  Somebody had lost their wife, mother, etc... while another family lost their husband, father, etc...  It doesn't make sense. 

Yesterday we had a visitor come and speak to our students.  This visitor is a Holocaust survivor.  Her story was difficult to listen to.  We heard her shaky voice as she shared her story of seeing her mom hold her baby brother for the last time when she was told to go into one line while the rest of her family went to another, how there were so many bodies in a box car that 80 young ladies had no option but to sit on each other, their food consisted of one piece of bread made of sawdust and how she fought to survive, but each day she held onto hope as conditions kept getting worse and worse.  An auditorium filled with hundreds of teenagers was silent as this 88 yr old woman stood for almost two hours telling her story.  There was no PowerPoint, pictures or background music, just a woman speaking in a thick Hungarian accent telling our teens to be the good in the world. "Don't hate!" was what she said.  Hate is why she had to endure what she did.  I was proud of our students as when this lady finished her last word, our students were on their feet applauding and some were wiping their eyes. To go back and teach Spanish after a moment like that just didn't seem right.  Instead, I let my students process and we talked about not being ignorant to history and to treat others respectfully.  the conversation was deep and intense at times, but being an educator this was a very teachable moment. 

Kyle pulled K out of school so he could listen to this speaker as I knew this would be a once in a lifetime experience with living history.  Most of what he will learn about the past will come from videos and a textbook.  Our thoughts and conversation about the Holocaust carried over into dinner.  As we were speaking to the children about global issues and the poverty and sadness that exist in our own community, H asks, "What about Santa?"  "Won't he be bring these kids clothes and food?"  So our night was exhaustive... but exhaustive in a good way.  We are opening our eyes, and we are opening up K and H's eyes to the world in which they live.  They can Be The Good.  They are learning and a learning curve it is...  This changes the way we approach Christmas, the way we handle our day in and day out.  We have no reason to ever complain!!

Then today at 3:35, after I had interacted with 100+ students, I pick up my phone to check the weather.  I was shocked...numbed....to read that 20 students ages 5-10 and 6 adults were killed in an elementary school shooting.  I sat at my desk and texted my brother and a colleague.  I had to process.  Did this really just happen today???  I sat and looked around my classroom.  The many what if's went through my head.  It isn't news anymore when schools go into lock down.  As a matter of fact, the high school near our house was in lock down for 4 hours earlier this week due a teacher finding a rifle and ammo in a student's bag in his class.  The student was arrested and all students were safe.  It happens often...or so it seems.  But today, 20 children, mostly of kindergarten age??  This can not be happening.  Finally, I gathered my thoughts, my materials, my keys and headed home.  I came home to a lit up Christmas tree, dinner in the oven and kids on the couch watching Polar Express.  It doesn't feel any safer than that.  I hugged my kids and tonight we sat a little longer around the dinner table.

On the way home, I had Christmas music on but I didn't hear it.  It didn't bring me the excitement that it normally does.  Tomorrow the kids and I are going to see Auntie Bren for our annual Santa pic.  While I am very excited to see Bren, the excitement and the joy of the season has faded.  It has been replaced with uncertainty and with ickiness of the evil in our world.  There are no words.  My heart aches for parents that waited and waited to be reunited with their children this afternoon and when the last surviving child was reunited... there they still stood.

I don't even know how to end this post.  There are no words...just feelings of sadness and a deep desire to protect my children and to continue to work with them to know that good will always prevail evil.  By God's grace, together we stand and together we are here to Be the Good in this world. However, for many parents tonight the feeling is different and as spoken by our President, "May God heal the broken hearted."